varsity : week one .

the title of this post is beyond misleading . I guess its sorta true since I did start varsity this week and what was supposed to be the beginning of some of the best years of my life was a total and utter nightmare . this week , I experienced my first loss.

my grandpa and I before my prefect dance last year

my grandpa died .

don't get me wrong , I'm not some amazingly fortunate or just plain naive person who has never experienced death before . but the closest people I have lost before this was my grandmother's siblings . I was the lucky one , you know ... the girl who was 18 with all 4 grandparents , that's rare and I definitely appreciated it . what was supposed to be this happy and exciting week was filled with my acting strong and then crying myself to sleep when I thought no one was looking .

my grandpa was amazing , easily one of the best to have graced this planet , a true blessing . this is the speech I said at his funeral . I'm sharing it with you because I want you to know why I say he was the best and why this week has been so tough , he was definitely hard to loose .

RIP Connel Daniel Scheepers - we love you 

* note : mikhail and lee are my brothers and chloe , blake , nicholas and mia are my baby cousins.

A letter from your grandchildren

Dear Pa

It’s hard to imagine more sorrow, pain and heart sore than we are feeling now. We miss you so much and wish to see you one more time. We know one day we will be reunited but until then we want to thank you for all the life lessons you taught us.

One of the first life lessons you taught me is to be honest. I remember I was probably about 6 when the tazo craze hit South Africa. Small round metal chips could be found in simba packets and children rushed to get theirs. I asked you for money so that I could go to the shop to buy a packet of chips secretly only wanting the tazo. So when I got to the shop I realized only the big packets of chips had tazos in so I selected my packet , walked to the till with the R10 you gave me in hand and when I paid I realized I only received 1c change. At the time I thought R10 was such a lot of money and burst out crying, scared of how you would react that I spent so much money on a packet of chips. When I came home I first told ma and she told me I should just tell you. I feared how you would react but when I told you, you told me its fine and I felt so relieved. That day I realized that as hard as it is to be honest, honesty isn’t something we should fear.

You taught us the real meaning of caring. You would always drop Mikhail at the skate park . And in Mikhail's words “it wasn’t child’s play” sitting in the traffic every morning on your way to canal walks boogaloos with Mikhail ever ready with his skate board in hand you two would venture to the skate park. It didn’t matter what we were doing whether it was skateboarding or rolerskating as long as it made us happy it was more than enough for you. 

You taught us to see the beauty in everything. I remember there was a time when we struggled to understand what Blake was saying but you always said you can understand. You would try and tell us what blake was trying to say. Blake was the special flame that brightened your day. Your eyes would light up when you saw him and blake definitely felt exactly the same. I remember how Blake went through a phase where he only wanted to be with ‘pa’ if you were around and trying to get him to come to anyone else was basically mission impossible.

You taught us how to live in our happy moments. Stories were never far away when you were around. You would tell us stories of when you were young, your family, how you grew up and the things in life that made you the man that you were. These stories were shared among all your grandchildren and I can just picture Nicholas and mia sitting and listening to your stories. I remember the special place that Nicoholas held in your heart. Being the only Scheepers boy left he was quite the special one.

You taught us how to love and I think this is eminent in Mia most of all. I remember how when you struggled to walk mia would hook her arm in yours and walk you around the room. She was so proud of you and took a special liking to taking care of you and ensuring your happiness. 

You passed on the skills you had learnt to make us better people. I remember how often you and lee would sit discussing cricket techniques. When Lee had a match he’d come sit with you afterwards and discuss the match and no matter how Lee played or what the score was you were always proud of him. The same with Chloe in her gymnastics. She will surely miss drawing pictures and giving it to you now. I know they had a special place in your heart being born on the day Uncle Duane died.

You taught me to be confident and not to be afraid of sharing my opinion. During the past 3 years debating has truly become my passion and I loved the fact that you took so much interest in it. I remember getting phone calls while on tour or even climbing into the car after provincial competitions and my mommy saying to me “phone pa and tell him about your debates today because he was asking me about them earlier”. You took pride in us and our passions became yours. You wanted us to become confident and independent grandchildren and to never be afraid of standing up for what we believe.

You taught me to have faith in myself when I no longer felt like I had any left. I was awaiting my results from my varsity application and had already been denied access into the law. I started doubting myself and telling myself that I would never make it into medicine. When I was accepted you were one of the few people I phoned that night. Your words to me were “I knew it ! I knew you would make it, I was waiting for this phone call”. You believed in me when I no longer believed in myself and I will always be grateful to you for that.

When I received my matric results you cried with pride. I remember ma telling me that you were upset one night because you said you would never see me as a doctor. And this is hard for me to accept to. But I realized that that this isn’t true. You have impacted my life and molded me into the person that I am and for this I am forever grateful for the role you played in my life. You will never miss out on anything in my life because you are forever a part of me

My biggest regret with your passing is that chloe, blake, Nicholas, mia and lee will never have the privilege of experiencing 18 or 22 years with you. But I know that even though the years they shared were far less, they are in no way any less memorable or impacted by you as I was.

Mitch Albom said “death ends a life, not a relationship”. We  will always carry you in our hearts as well as the numerous life lessons you taught us.   Thank you for being the best grandpa we could ever imagine and for loving us . We will love you forever